Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He better not be in your backpack
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
