Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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