He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
