i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
