Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
