I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
