My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
