Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
