you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
