Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
