I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
a search helicopter?!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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