I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
