I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
