so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
