oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
