WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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