watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
