I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.