i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?