i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
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I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.