god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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