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• (313): View more from Michigan

  That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I want her autograph on my taint

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels

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• (914): View more from New York

  He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List

  (914): View more from New York

  Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)

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• (707): View more from California

  I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.

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• (619): View more from California

  He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there

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• (516): View more from New York

  You could cut the tension with my nipples.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I guess he's ir-illiterate

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