She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
