You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
