they need to just BURY HIM!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
