i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize