He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
