the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
