i wish my penis had a tongue
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
