I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
