I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
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if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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