Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
