After last night, I could never be a politician.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
