dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
