can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
