i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
