Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
