i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
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They took my balls.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize