i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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