no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
