New invention idea: vibrating tampons
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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