I met the friendliest cop last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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