I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
