the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize