Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
