It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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