you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
