Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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