Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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