you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
