i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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