I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
