You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
