and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize