White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
