I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
