she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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