I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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