Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
