This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
