hotel room ftw
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think this conversation is over.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well