Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
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we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
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You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.