I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
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Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle