Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'