Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.