Your dad touched me again.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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