forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
