I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize