I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
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Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
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