dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
