FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
